Sunday, March 31, 2013
I feel alone - but it's not like I want to be surrounded with people. I carry solitude with me. At times, while walking alone, the odd cultist approaches, assuming a lonely man is an easy mark. I tell them I'm fine. Thanks to Deleuze I understand that my line of flight is between two poles: on the one hand is the hierarchy - think church, corporation, institution; on the other hand is the sect - think churches meeting in basements, garage bands, clubs, clicks, cells. When I was young, I thought the small things, the molecular things, were the antidote to the big things - that churches, institutions, corporations were inherently evil and destructive for the individual. Later, engulfed in the small things, the clubs, the clicks and cults, I was faced with how engulfing and destructive these groups are for the individual (in this case, me).
I learned to be alone. In fact, I thrive in it. Making art, drawing incessantly has seen me through a lot. It's probably cost me some relationships - but saved me from others. In the end, I have good relationships. Nothing beats finding people who accept how you are.
I am surprised at the confidence people possess in life. The feeling of supremacy they convey: "look at what I've done," they shout, as if they exhibited a unique status. I understand this in a child, but as a person grows older, becomes acquainted with the history of art and literature and science and sports - the presence of each of us becomes dubious
Saturday, March 30, 2013
originally drafted December 2007
The South is less Bozart now than when Menken coined that term. Parts of us are even breaking off into the Beaux Art. Menken was a cheap shot artist anyway. There's a whole school of argumentation that gets along on cheap shots: they can be spotted for their dependence on slippery slope arguments and ad hominem; and they are rooted in fear - their own and the fear of the audience they hope to capture. I've tended to link them to a type of conservatism, but I must make this distinction: between conservatism that conserves and conservatism that resists change. Change, as Jung observed, is always coming, and the resistance against change is accomplished at great loss of energy. Jung observed of these conservatives that they barricade themselves behind barriers where they are certain to only meet people like themselves. But the psychic energy of change is far greater then the energy human beings can muster. One day gaps appear in the barricades.