Sunday, March 31, 2013
I play one on TV
I feel alone - but it's not like I want to be surrounded with people. I carry solitude with me. At times, while walking alone, the odd cultist approaches, assuming a lonely man is an easy mark. I tell them I'm fine. Thanks to Deleuze I understand that my line of flight is between two poles: on the one hand is the hierarchy - think church, corporation, institution; on the other hand is the sect - think churches meeting in basements, garage bands, clubs, clicks, cells. When I was young, I thought the small things, the molecular things, were the antidote to the big things - that churches, institutions, corporations were inherently evil and destructive for the individual. Later, engulfed in the small things, the clubs, the clicks and cults, I was faced with how engulfing and destructive these groups are for the individual (in this case, me).
I learned to be alone. In fact, I thrive in it. Making art, drawing incessantly has seen me through a lot. It's probably cost me some relationships - but saved me from others. In the end, I have good relationships. Nothing beats finding people who accept how you are.